EVEN GRANDMAS GET BREAST CANCER ...

We all have a journey to travel … No two journeys are the same … This is my journey … But where did it begin … I guess it began back in June this year when I received an email from Breastscreen reminding me my bi-annual mammogram was due Two years ago I'd thought I'd had my last mammogram as I was over 70 which I thought was the cut off point, now I discover that reminders are sent until age 74 and then its over to you to continue if you wish … memories of mammograms gone by flashed back not really pleasant memories but not really painful memories either - having dense boobs had always meant suffering discomfort as they were squashed this way and that way … was it really necessary to go through this again … Being a Libran I tend to take a long time deciding, will I? won't I? I consult my diary and find the first suitable date available and book on-line (so convenient) for Tuesday 13 August - I reason that will be easy just pop in on my way to the pool for my hydro exercise group, will be in my swimmers under my tracksuit so that means less hassle getting undressed and dressed again -after all it is winter in Sale. No-one in the waiting area … so I'm attended to immediately … there seems to be a problem scanning my right boob, there's a crease in the image I'm told, second take is good so I'm told. Life continues on … the following week Bill (my beloved hubby) needs hospitalisation due to pneumonia, my brother loses his six and a half year battle with mesothelioma and Robyn one of my besties who is suffering metastatic breast cancer has been taken to hospital in Melbourne. Amidst making arrangements for Bills siblings to come and care for him whilst I fly to Qld to be with my sister-in-law and attend my brothers funeral, I get a phone call from Breastscreen Traralgon informing me I need to attend for a re-screen as there is a difference showing up in my recent mammogram compared to my previous one … now those who know me well know I'm a highly emotional person at the best of times, I tear up at the drop of a hat, I've even been known to cry watching Home & Away!! … up till then I'd been holding things together pretty well I thought, but this phone call 'threw me for six' amidst my blubbering we arranged an appointment for Tuesday 10 September. I ring one of my other 'besties' Elaine who calms me down - immediately saying 'I'll take you and be your support but remember positive thinking, its probably just a bad scan'. My week on the Gold Coast was pleasant, Pete's funeral was an amazing tribute to his life (67 still too young though) - caught up with all the family, those big welcoming hugs from our great grandies was so heartwarming, spent an afternoon in Brisbane with my eldest grandson and very special sister-in-law moments with Carol. Sale hospital rang me to say Robyn was back from Melbourne and was looking forward to visitors. On my arrival home I rang Robyn and her daughter answered advising me Robyn wasn't expected to last the weekend … far out fruitloops! life just keeps on delivering curved balls … I was able to spend several hours next day with my beautiful, brave friend for whom I'd been a support the past three years the one who had encouraged me to try new adventures, who shared the same passions, who'd shown courage in the face of adversity, we'd laughed, goofed about, walked, talked and now at age 58 was about to be re-united with her Dad. On Sunday September 8 at 3.38am I received a call from Sale Hospital advising me Robyn had passed - she'd named me as her second next of kin. I felt so humble and so numb - RIP beautiful friend. I remember saying FU CANCER Monday 9th was Bills 83rd birthday and I'd planned a trip to Melbourne to experience The Rain Room which was here for a short season and fully booked out however due to the freezing weather and him still coughing we had to cancel … Surely life must start providing us with lemonade and not lemons soon. Tuesday 10th off to Traralgon - so positive nothing would show in my re-screen …. Wrong again!!!! Mammogram first, followed by ultrasound, followed by consult with Dr Pav and nurse/counsellor Lee who informed me two small lumps had been discovered - OMG the floodgates opened but not for long as the tissue box only contained one tissue!! Somehow I explained this was just the final straw to what had been a 'shitty' month (please excuse language but how else do you describe it) they then explained to me what the next steps were … firstly a fine needle aspiration which is to draw cells from the offending lumps (in a later blog I'll detail what each of these procedures entail) unfortunately this was unsuccessful, I was then examined physically by Dr Chan who could not find any lumps or swelling in lymph nodes which meant I now faced a core biopsy under local anesthetic on each lump - I felt more discomfort lying with my arm above my head as this was the shoulder I'd torn the long ligament in last year and still was unable to stretch fully - another nurse Emma held my hand and chatted to me - telling me how strong I was … these three amazingly kind caring and compassionate ladies did all they could to make the procedures as pleasant and pain free as possible - two markers were inserted to show in future procedures or mammograms. The wounds were dressed and a further gentle mammogram performed. Results of biopsies would be known next Tuesday and a further appointment was made. How better to digest this news than with a yummy lunch at Eviva Italian restaurant! Telling Bill was not easy - we've been down the cancer journey with him in the past - telling the 'girls' was relatively easy yet talking about my boobs to my son Rob was not something I felt comfortable with luckily I have an amazing daughter in law who was able to tell him. Getting through Robyns funeral was hard - although I kept telling myself my lumps would be benign I couldn't help wonder what lay in store for me if I was wrong. The weekend flew by with a birthday luncheon for a friends 80th on Saturday and family dinner on Sunday evening. Whilst I was calm and positive Bill was really edgy and I wondered if he felt the need to come with me on Tuesday - he said no but he was restless on Monday night and neither of us had much quality sleep. Tuesday - a cool but fine sunny morning Elaine picked me up and we were both upbeat and positive, planning what we were going to do after my appointment - Elaine came into the consulting room where Breast nurse/counsellor Ges explained what would take place in that Dr Tan would come in and speak to me about the biopsy results - still feeling positive - not expecting the 'Libran effect' one negative and one positive lump, even my boobs can't make up their mind - would the results have been so upsetting if I'd not been so positive in my thinking, deflated, shocked, sobbing, disbelief, annoyance yet not anger all these emotions came spilling out - Elaine was visibly shaken as well. Dr Tan went on to explain the offending lump and some surrounding tissue will be removed including a central lymph node, this will be done under general anesthetic usually in a day procedure then around 3-6 weeks later between 15-25 sessions of radiation therapy followed by a hormone blocker Tamoxifen for some years. Dr Tan made an appointment for us to see our GP at 4pm. One positive is I'm now relinquished from Breastscreen - no more mammograms (happy dance) ongoing care will be by my GP, surgeon, oncologist etc. I'm not sure but I think both Elaine and I said the F word several times once we were out of the building … no shopping today … I just needed to get home and tell Bill - however we did stop at Rosedale bakery for coffee and cream bun - yeah that helped. Elaine offered to go and talk to Heather & Shell … giving Bill and I time to digest the news - although we'd heard the C word several times before it still manages to take the wind out of ones sails. Heather rang saying she was now in charge and would be with me every step of my journey. As I'd had several best wishes/thinking of you today messages we decided to go to the pool and meet up with our wonderful hydro friends and tell them in person over coffee and hot chips. Heather drove us to the medical centre and sat in on the discussions with Bruce (Johnston our GP) - next step to gain an early appointment with Mr Paul Strauss the surgeon who has removed several skin cancers for Bill and in whom we have great trust. Coffee with Rob to brief him on what is going to happen .. home for dinner and lose ourselves watching TV before bed. Wide awake at 3am .. so many thoughts running through my head … keeping a journal whilst Bill was at Peter Mac from operation till end of radiation was so therapeutic for me hence I got up at 5am to begin 'blogging' My Journey in a hope that my musings may in some way help other women particularly older women in the future …. I plan to make a 'hard copy' also where I can add some personal touches …. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful support team in family and friends led by my children. My goal has been and still is to live past 90 years and 6 weeks … the age my darling Mumma was when we lost her. I still have so much living to do …. this 13mm little sucker isn't going to beat me -